Welcome, welcome all to Kaioshin’s own Dubious Achievements In Anime Awards Ceremony, hosted gloriously by the Anime History Blog: Where Anime Past Meets Present. Within I gave praise (?) to those anime that have aired in 2007 and award them with honours and awards of my own construction, for not necessarily special achievments in the field of Japanese Animation. The five categories we will be seeing are achievements in character, plotting, music, direction and concepts, with each of those containing any number of categories I can come up with. Join me, your host, Kaioshin Sama as I knock out one by one, each of these awards. The industry should be so lucky. Oh and don’t forget to applaud…..
In The Field Of Character:
The Musashi Gandou What The Hell Is This Thing Supposed To Be Award Goes To:
I don’t know what it is, I don’t know where it came from beyond a fridge, I don’t know why it’s so small, all I know is that it makes cute noises, kind of looks like an SD Loli, and everyone in the show wants to touch it. Potemayo, please accept your “What In God’s Name Are You Supposed To Be Award”.
The Fate Testarossa Best New Loli Award Goes To:
Introduced in the Moetan anime series. Sumi Kuroir is one of inks sort of friends who joins her on her adventures as a magical girl, is much more prone to outbursts of animal destroying anger, put Ink in a chokehold once, is crazy rich, has an evil cackle and is honestly just cute as sin, in a flawed personality sort of way. The ahoge she has that changes size and shape depending on her emotional state just completely sells the character though, and is something I can honestly say I’ve never seen done in an anime before. Sumi Kuroi, you are officially the best new loli introduced in 2007.
The Gai Shishioh Memorial Manliest Man And Flat Out Best Character Award Of 2007 Goes To:
Simon actually takes two awards here since he is easily the manliest character of 2007, but also I think the best written one. It’s no surprise that Gainax, perveyors of such psychological mind fucks as Evangelion would delve so deep into Simon’s character, and we basically get to follow Simon from his humble beginnings living in the shadow of his larger than life Aniki the great Kamina-Sama, through the hardships following the loss of his role model and pillar of strength and the havoc it reeks on his emotional state, through to him becoming an adult and overcoming every obstacle that is thrown at him, to become the greatest hero the universe has ever known. And while doing it, he manages not only to out Gar every other character in 2007, but to remain human enough to qualify for the best written character award as well. Congratulations Simon (Gainax Sarcasm Not Intended).
The Arika Yumemiya Nevar Forgat Flat Out Worst Character Of 2007 Distinction Goes To:
When you are an actor put into a show because you were in another show and your sole role is to hawk merchandise for the show, actlike a complete ass, get you face punched in by another spokesperson for the shows producers AND your character design looks like a wax statue, you are the Flat Out Worst Character Of 2007. Would Sugita Tomokazu like to accept this award in person from me?
The Rie Kugimiya Honorary Most Crotch Stomping Loli Of 2007 Award Goes To:
Louise Francois Le Blanc De Vailliere
Rie Kugimiya’s such a glory hog that she has to take the award named after her for herself, but look, when the character outright whips, beats, pummels and ACTUALLY attempts to stomp on another one one, you really have to give them the award. Will Ms. Long Ass French Name please accept her award without hurting anybody on the way up. Thank You
In The Category Of Plotting:
Athrun Zala Nevar Forgat Most Awkardly Forced Romance Distinction Goes To:
Haruka Amami x Imber
How….. how exactly do they do it. Anyway, Haruka better hope she’s on top. The whole iDOL having a crush on it’s Master thing was something I never expected to see in an anime. I’ve heard of robots synthesizing with Humans to become stronger, I’ve even read of Transformers Kiss Players, but I didn’t think they’d be doing it for keeps in a mainstream anime.
Gundam Seed Destiny Nevar Forgat Most Awkard Plot Shift Distinction Goes To:
Now I know the game had it’s bad endings and all, but the way the series went from everyone loving Makoto despite his massive character flaws, to Sekai suddenly waking up to reality courtesy of the writers shifting the plot towards the bad end and murdering his ass, has to be the most awkard plot shift since the days of Gundam Seed Destiny.
Humbert Humbert Honorary Most Gratuitious Use Of A Loli Award In Anime Goes To:
Ink Nijihara From Moetan
Apparently Moetan isn’t at all shy about showing off Ink’s body and having a disturbed duck fill us in on the wonders of being a loli while groping her, looking up her skirt, and saying all kinds of perverted stuff. Ink get’s naked often, where’s one of the most tight fitting catch all fetish costumes in anime history, shows off her butt like no tomorrow, and doesn’t seem to mind being leared at much, except for the occassional unintentionally hard slapping of Ark-Kun. Ink Nijihara, you are a hussy can take this award for Moetan.
Most Blatant Use Of Advertising In An Anime For 2007 Award (Brought To You By Pizza Hut) Goes To:
A big round of applause to Kyoto Animation for proving that anything another studio does, they can do better, at least in the case of advertising. Whereas Sunrises Code Geass only had occasionally appearances of Pizza Hut in relation to C.C and one episode where a school festival was sponsored by them, Kyoto Animation frequently works Haruhi CD Singles, Figurines, Seiyuu, Characters and all kinds of assorted merchandise into the plot, and they don’t even care if it ends up hurting it. That’s not going to stop me from giving Kyoani the praise it definitely deserves though and Kyoani can now accept the distinction of The Most Blatant Advertising In A Series In 2007.
Shin Oikamas: Damn Straight!
In The Category Of Music:
The Sugar Pop Idol Recognition Award For Flat Out Worst Opening Of 2007 Goes To:
iDOLM@STER Xenoglossia Opening Binetsu SOS!!
There’s a lot of good competition for bad music when it comes to Idol songs, but Binetsu SOS takes the cake simply for the honest to god fact that I’ve never actually managed to make it through the entire song, which is a first not only 2007, but for anime songs in general. Yeah the song is that deserving of the award.
Endings Always Worse Than The Opening Recognition Award For Flat Out Worst Ending Of 2007 Goes To:
Lucky Star Ending 5 Chala Head Chala (????)
I made it through this ending, but I’m sure my eardrums are still permenantly damaged from it. Funny I remember Chala Head Chala involving hot blooded vocals and a moderate tone and pitch, not some lolita screeching off key at the top of her lungs until all glass in the vicinity of my speakers shatters to pieces. YEOWCH, Konata Izumi, take your award and please, no acceptance speech.
The Motoi Sakuraba Recognition Award For Most 80′s Like Opening Of 2007 Goes To:
Code Geass Opening 3 Hitomi No Tsuba
More 90′s like actually, but early 90′s, the cusp years. Every year an opening comes out that sounds like it belongs in another decade, and Hitomi No Tsubasa is it for this year. Hurry up and bring back the 80′s for real though, and save us from a lifetime of idol pop and punk
Shin Oikamas: You’re Supposed To Be Impartial
Kaioshin Sama: Right, Sorry, Moving On Then….
Just Plain Best Opening Of 2007 Award Goes To:
Darker Than Black Opening 1 Howling
Hey, remember these things called powerful instrumental backup, and how when they go together with a passionate singer and a composition that sounds unlike any other song out there, AND is timed with the opening, both in terms of visual and audio impact and in describing what is occuring. I do, and Abingdon Boys School uses these to essentially walk away with this award completely unchallenged. Here’s to hopefully hearing from the Boys School again in the near future.
Just Plain Best Ending Of 2007 Award Goes To:
Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann Ending 3 Minna No Peace
Holy Shit! It’s like, an awesome episode just ended, and now a hot blooded blood pumping song comes up with these stylish black and white backgrounds that continue to keep you in the mood right up until whatever show that airs in the next block airs. What other show in 2007 does that for you. Exactly, and that’s why it wins this award.
Casio Keyboards Flat Out Worst BGM Score Of 2007 Distinction Goes To:
Lucky Star BGM
You were expecting a video or MP3 Link…..you think I’d actually have one for this. I can simulate the background music for people if they are so desperate, I don’t have my $50 Mid 1990′s Casio on my at the moment, but words work too. Boop Beep Bop Boop Bo Beep Bop Bope Boop Bop Boop Beep……..and so on. Yeah Kyoani deserves a lot of praise for attaining this award.
Shin Oikamas: AND HOW!
Please come and take your award and my Extremely early 1990′s Casio keyboard to practice on for defending the award come 2008.
In The Category Of Direction:
Russel Crowe Honorary Worst Screwup By A Studio Award Goes To:
Gainax for the Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Vs. The 2ch Anus.
There were some pretty boneheaded things that went on in the industry like the Kissdum director quiting before the scripts were even written, the Bones staff member making off with critical storyboard details for Darker Than Black and Kyoto Animation deciding the Haruhi Dance guy wasn’t good enough to direct Lucky Star and giving him the boot, but nothing beat Gainax’s telling 2ch where it can go. Unfortunately since 2ch can generate complaints faster and louder than one of those nifty automatic complaint generator programs, they got in trouble and one of their founders a certain Takami Akai, ended up resigning his post and being the bigger man. 2ch went back to being an anus, but now I invite Akai to receive his award and then tell me why I suck.
TBS Superstation Most Awkard Censorship In An Anime Award:
Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro Chan Season 2
Unfortunately, I’ve had to censor the screencap I intended to show people, so now it just appears as a single blank white space above this paragraph. It may have looked like a long pan across a beach, but that information cannot be confirmed. The award also may not even be F*…………..sorry the 5 second delay on this blogs coding had to be tapped to censor the last part of the ceremony due to possible foul language. Eat your heart out Oscars. I’m being told now I need to move on to the next award.
OMG Kyoani Award For Teh Bestzor Animation Award Goes To:
Shin Oikamas: LUCKY STAR!
Kaioshin Sama: Didn’t I Banish You? The Award Actually Goes To
Whether it’s meteors exploding, reflections in a puddle of water, sweat drops undulating around a cockpit, or a character undershirt actually following the laws of physics and shifting around instead of appearing like it’s welded to their skin, Sunrise’s animation in Xenoglossia is worthy of Praise and snatches up this honorable distinction. Colour My World Hajime Yatate and receive your award.
Shin Oikamasa: “PAH! Who Ever Heard Of Praising Sunrise For Anything”
In The Category Of Concepts:
GaoGaiGar Honorary Best Mecha Design Of 2007 Goes To:
The Shades, The Poses, The Face In The Stomach, The Stealth Gao-Like Wings, The Fact It Talks Whenever The Pilot Does. Yes nothing else comes even remotely close to the over the top and undeniably badass Gurren Lagann’s mecha design. Nothing else really needs to be said, I doubt we’ll hear any objections so will Yoh Yoshinari get up on this stage so I can shake his hand and give him this award.
Gravion Worst Mecha Design Of 2007 Distinction Goes To:
Transformers called from the 80′s and the franchise wants it’s Rejected Prototype Unicron design rejected. Seriously, this looks like one of those off model Transformers designs you use to see every 5 frames or so back in the day. Except this is 2007 and there’s no reason why anything should look this ugly, blocky and flat out uninspired. I don’t know who I want to give this award too, but they sure as hell deserve it, whover they are.
It’s been an honor, a true honor to host this First Annual ADAIA Ceremony and I hope everyone enjoyed the proceedings. All post ceremony commentary may be directed to the commentary box below, and I hope to see everyone again next year, where things are sure to be even more exciting and dramatic. Until the, Good Night, And God Bless. *Blows Kisses*