Final Fantasy: Home Of The Prodigy? (Part 2 – Final Fantasy IV)


If Final Fantasy II got it started then I’m pretty sure Final Fantasy IV soldified it.  Final Fantasy is the home of the child prodigy and once again I examine the evidence.

Cecil Harvey:


Eiyuu No Ojisan (at least to Rydia)

Age Class: Military Academy Initiate

Age: 20

Claim To Fame:  First FF Hero To Have A Love Triangle

Real Claims To Fame:

– Rose to become the leader of Baron’s vanguard airship squad Red Wings by the age of 20

– Mastered the Dark Sword by the age of 20

– Turned around and forgot how to be a Dark Knight and learned how to be a Paladin (the opposite of the Dark Knight) in less time then it took him to master his first class

– Surpassed his brother and uncle in power by being able to best the man that neither could best even by working in tandem

Shameful Secrets:

– Gets smoked by a little girl early on in the most one sided battle the game has to offer.

Rosa Ferrell:


Dat Skanky Slut Rosa

Age Class:  Barely Legal In Some Countries

Age: 19

Claim To Fame:  Being Will Ferrell’s long lost cousin from another place and time

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Most effective white mage in the games world by the age of 19

– A damage dealing white mage….Wow!

Shameful Secrets:

– Gets captured at least twice during the course of the game thus making her little more than a damsel in distress for Cecil to rescue for at least half of it

 Kain Highwind:


Wants To Jump Jump For Rosa’s Love

Age Class:  Been there done that wanna see more

Age: 21

Claim To Fame:  First FF Hero To Lose In A Love Triangle (But Not The Last 😦   )

Real Claim To Fame: 

–  Least likely person to get offed by Big Bang in the final battle thanks to not being there to take the hit

Shameful Secrets:

–  Inferiority complex towards Cecil makes him an easy target for Golbez’s manipulation

–  More likely to go traitor at any given time then Ami Mizuno



Helllllllllllllllllloooooo Loli!

Age Class:  Ankle Biter

Age: 7 (later physically 20 but mentally still 7)

Claim To Fame:  Bathing suit fashion model

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Beats down both Cecil and Edge with one summon spell

–  Being able to do more raw damage in one attack then the rest of the party combined on average

–  Master summoner

– Learns all black magic spells in the game (including Meteo) by the age of 7, a spell that does 9999 damage and took Tellah god knows how long to master.

– Capable of completely paralyzing enemies with her whip later on

–  Just because, she can also learn elementary white magic for a little while early on

Shameful Secrets:

–  If she takes a good hit then she’s out.  That’s all there is too it.



Slayer Of Spoony Bards Everywhere

Age Class:  Gramps

Age:  60

Claim To Fame:  I……forgot

Real Claims To Fame:

–  First person to even scratch Golbez

–  When you absolutely positively must clear the field and there’s no Rydia around, he’s your guy…..possibly

Shameful Secrets:

–  Being able to cast Meteor but being unable to do it do to a lack of MP….unlike Rydia

–  Gets offed easier then Rydia

–  Dies just as he’s capable of casting Meteor again

–  In all the time he’s alive he still manages to learn, forget and remember less spells then Rydia learns by the time she’s 7  (okay fine 20 I suppose)

–  Did I mention he’s just plain inferior to Rydia in every single way imaginable? 

Gilbert Edward Chris Von Muir


The Spoony Bard

Age Class:  Kaioshin Sama Class

Age: 24

Claim To Fame:  Nomura’s secret favourite

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Musician

Shameful Secrets:

–  HIDE!

– “Look what I can do!”  *Splits a potion 5 ways*

– “Look what I can do!” *Sings a song*  *No effect*

–  Fecking pussy

Yang Fang Leiden:


Men Men Men Men Manly Man Men Men

Age Class:  Old enough to have sorted his shit out

Age: 35

Claim To Fame:  Whipped by the wife

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Needs no weapon to be effective

–  That said his claws have special properties like inflecting confusion, poison and paralysis and he can equip two at the same time

–  Shows up just in time for his kick to take over for Cecil’s lost Dark Wave ability

Shameful Secrets:

–  Unless he’s using build he takes almost as much damage as Rydia from a hit

–  Again….whipped by the wife

Palom & Porom:



Wonder Twin Powers Activate!

Age Class:  Just old enough to walk and talk

Age:  5

Claim To Fame:  URUCHAI! 

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Porom learns the white magic book earlier then Rosa and Palom learns the black magic book earlier then Rydia and Tellah

–  With there wonder twin powers they can cast W Meteor which technically means like Fusoya and Golbez they are capable of taking out Zemus at the age of 5.

Shameful Secrets:

–  Palom is a little shit and Porom is a crybaby.  And you wonder why they chose Rie Kugimiya to voice them in the DS remake?

–  *Poke*  *Polom/Porom was KO’ed*

–  The above happens seemingly any time they try to use the wonder twin powers meaning you better damn well keep them healed up if you hope to get any use out of it.

Cid Pollendia:


Not Santa Claus

Age Class:  Almost Grandpa

Age: 54

Claim To Fame:  Battle sprite kind of reminds one of pedobear

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Airship builder extraordinaire

–  Battleship class defensive capabilities

Shameful Secrets:

–  Study ability is useless

Edge Geraldine


Is This Man Wearing Jeans In A Medieval Setting?  Can I Get A “Huh?!”

Age Class:  Sensible

Age: 26

Claim To Fame:  Being a Ninja back when they were still cool.  Before Naruto and pop culture icons who are trying to look cool ruined the concept for everyone

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Throws shit at things for surprisingly high damage

–  Can steal some useful items

–  Can throw a spoon for 9999 damage once

Shameful Secrets:

–  Ninjutsu abilities are borderline useless

–  Takes damage on a scale almost akin to Rydia



Someone’s Beard Made Life

Age Class:  Damn Sir…..You Old!

Age:  Ancient

Claim To Fame:  Expository dialogue

Real Claims To Fame:

–  Knows every magic spell in the game from the get go

–  Regen ability is pretty darn useful

Shameful Secrets:

–  Low MP makes him less effective then I high level Rydia, Palom and Porom

–  Crumples in a hit or two

Conclusion:  If we take into account that the maximum combined age a potential party of 5 could have is 175+Fusoya (with an average age of 43.75+Fusoya as an outlier) and that at opposite end we get 56 (with an average age of 11), this tells us that the age disparity among party members in FF:IV is huge among other things.  However, when we consider that the party that the story allows to stay in condition to fight the final battle has a combined age of 93 (with an average age of 18.6) this tells us that this game has a thing against allowing the older generation to be the heroes in the end.  Sure they do their part, but that’s all they do (at least in the initial release) and then it’s time to wish Cecil & co. good luck in the long ass scene leading up the the final battle.  That’s their final thanks.

If that weren’t enough, the oldies are outdone in every every strength have by the younger cast members (Mostly by the queen of top heavy offensive tilted characters in Rydia) and almost always have some weakness that keeps them from being very effective even in the GBA remake.  Rydia, Palom and Porom learn all the spells that Tellah and Fusoya learn between them and have more than enough HP to cast them,  Cecil does does more damage then Cid and has better defence then Yang and Edge does more damage then Yang and is at least twice as fast as him to boot.  Rosa is just an all rounder with more defence and physical power then Tellah or Fusoya and better healing capabilities over time then either as well thanks to their low MP.

That said this is where it is most glaring that Final Fantasy is the home of the child prodigy and later games do a little more to make the older folks not get upstaged by the children at every turn, but it’s still present in the franchise to this day, if not in the “Anything you can do I can do better” sort of way, at least in the fact that FF characters are now like blank slates with which you can transcribe any ability and traits you are capable of learning onto any character as long as you have the right stuff and are in the right situation.  You’ll see what I mean when the time comes….sooner then you might think actually as next up is FFV to make my job a little bit easier.

As a side note, tonight was a strange night for me as I ended up being involved in getting some weirdo that was harassing me on a trip to the store and bank arrested.  I might share the story some time, but I should warn that it’s not nearly as exciting or frightening as it sounds.


8 Responses to “Final Fantasy: Home Of The Prodigy? (Part 2 – Final Fantasy IV)”

  1. 1 Zack February 9, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    FFIV is one of my favorite in the FF series. I’ve always loved the Red Wings music from the first time I heard it.

    My only big complaint was how the characters survived through the series. That might just be me though. I felt bringing Yang, the Twins and Cid back felt kind of silly.

    They all gave their life heroically so you could continue. Yang sealed himself in a room to destroy the Super Cannon and was caught in the explosion. Porom and Palom petrify themselves so you aren’t crushed by walls. Cid jumps off the airship carrying a bomb to seal the passage and seemingly kills himself to aid you.

    Then you find out they’re all alive at the end. Sure, I don’t mind them being alive, but I felt it made their sacrifice less heroic.

    That’s just me though. My one big complaint with the game. Other than that I absolutely love it.

    Yeah… you kind of got yourself in an odd situation there. I’m actually kind of interested in what happened.

  2. 2 Kaioshin Sama February 10, 2009 at 9:21 am

    @Zack: Yes, Red Wings is definitely the best song in the game. It really makes for a good intro and outro theme to since it also plays on the last few floors of the Lunar Cavern that leads to Zemus.

  3. 3 watch anime October 2, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    Kaioshin Sama February 10, 2009 at 9:21 am

    @Zack: Yes, Red Wings is definitely the best song in the game. It really makes for a good intro and outro theme to since it also plays on the last few floors of the Lunar Cavern that leads to Zemus.


    I wasn’t the biggest fan of IX but it was still good..
    better than those wastes of space, X, X-2 and XI :/

  4. 4 watch anime October 2, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Cecil was so much love ❤

  5. 5 Sean March 12, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    Ewdard is my favorite.
    ok, he:
    low hp, Atk, Def…
    FF4 it´s the before game, and Edward it´s before more time joined with he.

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